


Without Ever Letting You Know

by BrandNewNamja



Category: Day6 (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, House Party, I love the trope of the "im not gay" boy but then SURPRISE he gay, JYP Family, M/M, Multi, Recreational alcohol and weed use, bisexual experimentation i guess??, hoenstly dont even ask me what this fic is supposed to be about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 04:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11028372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandNewNamja/pseuds/BrandNewNamja
Summary: Jae gets real drunk at Wonpil's birthday party.





	Without Ever Letting You Know

If you asked Jae, he'd say it was Wonpil's fault.   
  
No one asked him, but he'd still say it anyway. Well, technically speaking, it wasn't Wonpil's _fault,_ but it _was_ his birthday. So that still counts.   
  
If the blame lies with anyone, really, it's Sungjin.   
  
Stupid, lovable, thoughtful Sungjin, who just _had_ to plan a surprise birthday party for Wonpil. And just _had_ to make sure there was tons of booze involved.   
  
It all started with that guy from Wonpil's econ class, Dowoon. The guy that everyone knew Wonpil had a crush on, but he wouldn't admit it. Sungjin knew Dowoon in high school, so as soon as he learned that Wonpil was interested, he was already scheming at how to get them together, despite poor Wonpil's protests. Sungjin brought up the subject while they were all at Brian's place; Wonpil hadn't gotten out of class yet so Sungjin seized the opportunity to plan.   
  
The girls, of course, loved the idea. Jimin immediately started yammering about taking care of all the invitation plans with Sungjin, and Ayeon was thrilled at being charged with making the cake.   
  
Which Jae was totally fine with. Let Ayeon make the cake if she wants. It's not like Jae's particularly good at baking. Under any other circumstance he wouldn't think twice about wanting to make it. It's just one more thing for her to be amazing at, one more thing for Brian to adore her for.  
  
Which brings Jae to his next point, which is Brian. Brian is sort of always Jae's point. Brian has had this ridiculous crush on Ayeon since they were in high school, which is so stupid because Ayeon is so clearly in the closet and Jae is amazed that Brian doesn't see it. Maybe because Jae's in the closet too, and he can sense when other people are; he notices the way that Ayeon watches Jimin out of the corner of her eye. Maybe because she's so soft and delicate that it goes undetected. Anyways, Ayeon is one of Jae's best friends. That's the whole thing--he loves her, because, how can you not love her? She's a wonderful person, she's beautiful, sweet, and kind. The kind of person everyone loves, and Jae hates it because of course Brian loves her, she's so goddamn lovable and Brian just makes a fool out of himself, and Jae is left to helplessly scream inside his own head.   
  
But he's getting a little side tracked. Ayeon is charged with making the cake, Jimin and Sungjin are handling the invitations and the super secret surprise planning, including making sure Dowoon is front and center when Wonpil arrives. That leaves Jae and Brian to--you guessed it--work together on the music.   
  
Regularly, Jae would be fine with this. He literally hangs with Brian every day--they have the same taste in music and they've known each other since they were fourteen. Right after Brian moved from Toronto, right after Jae moved from Cali--they instantly clicked, two awkward 8th graders in a foreign land who both found relief in the other's ability to speak english. They met Sungjin and Wonpil in high school, and Ayeon and Jimin their freshman year of uni, the rest is history, Jae guesses.   
  
Now that Jae thinks of it, he rememebers Dowoon. He never really knew him, he was part of Sungjin's other group of friends from the tennis team, but Jae always liked him alright. He supposes that if Sungjin succeeds in his diabolical plan to hook him up with Wonpil, that they'll get to know each other pretty well.   
  
Again, he's getting sidetracked. Brian and Jae meet up to discuss the music, to make a playlist that will be totally kick ass and make the best soundtrack for a party. They bicker good-naturedly over who the better DJ is and end up selecting some good songs, but Jae is so preoccupied by trying not to think about how good Brian smells which is hard because first of all, he smells _really_ good, and second of all, he wont shut the fuck up about Ayeon.   
  
Again--Jae loves Ayeon. He adores her. He wants the absolute best for her, for her to be happy. It just really grinds his gears how loopy Brian is for her. It grinds them even more that he can see why, she's so perfect and Jae can't compare. 

Jae can't compare and he can't offer Brian a damn thing, so really he guesses that the issue is with himself and not her. It's not her fault that she's perfect, or that Brian loves her, or that Jae is a scrawny, awkward gay boy who loves Brian and stays mute about it. It's not Ayeon's fault, it's just the way things are. 

  
It is what it is, Jae thinks, and reminds himself how much he hates that phrase. 

*

 

Fast forward to Wonpil's party, and Jae is drunk. He's been drunk plenty of times, but oh, this is a new peak. He's been sloshing around Sungjin's house for hours, dancing with girls and stealing glances at Brian who's doing the same thing, only probably considerably less drunk than Jae, and Brian's actually interested in the girls. 

Fast forward another two hours, and Jae is in the backseat of Brian's car, and Brian has no pants on and Jae is very concentrated and very busy, but still so, so drunk. He needs to emphasize this; he's not acting like himself, because--did he mention? He's _drunk._

But okay, wait. Again, he's getting sidetracked. Rewind. 

Sungjin decides that his place is the best spot for the party, because his house is the biggest. Actually, Sungjin's the only one of them that actually has a house. Wonpil still lives on campus, Jae and Jackson have been room mates for a year in off campus student apartments, Brian's one bedroom flat is tiny as fuck, and Jimin and Ayeon still live with their parents and commute to the university. Sungjin, who graduated early, managed to land a sweet job mixing records for some indie company and has a pretty nice, spacious house that's minimalistically decorated where he hangs guitars on the walls like art and has marble counter-tops. He's the only one who won't get in loads of trouble for throwing a rager, so, Sungjin's house makes the final cut as the official party locale. 

The girls are excited about this, because Sungjin's kitchen is huge so they decide that this is where Ayeon will make the cake. 

Jimin invites Jae and Brian to come hang with them at Sungjin's place for a few hours before the party, while Ayeon makes the cake and they wait for Sungjin to get out of work and the rest of the guests to arrive. Jihyo is there too; Ayeon invited her because she knows Sungjin has a huge crush on her. The girls conglomerate in the kitchen to bake, and Jae can hear their soft giggles floating through the hallway as he and Brian make their way to Sungjin's den where he keeps his big screen and PS4. 

They're halfway through a round of zombies when Brian brings it up. 

"Tonight's the night," he pipes up. "I'm finally going to ask Ayeon out."

Jae wants to snort, poor naiive Brian. Instead, he just replies, "Go for it, man. I'll be waiting with an ice pack when she slaps you down back into reality." 

Brian laughs. "What, you don't think she's into me?" 

No, Jae thinks, but doesn't say it. 

"Dunno," he responds. "She's hard to read. She's too nice to everyone." 

Brian hums in agreement and they fall back into a comfortable silence, until Brian asks, "So when are you gonna finally talk to Sana?" 

Jae actually does snort this time. "Never, because I don't feel like getting rejected."

"I thought you liked her?" Brian questions. 

Jae has to think about that one for a second. He ponders for a moment and then remembers, oh yeah, he did tell Brian and Sungjin that, once, when they were grilling him about whether or not he was interested in someone. He just picked a random friend of Jihyo's and feigned interest to get them off his back. Since then, he's had to keep up the ruse. 

"I do," Jae decides it's probably been long enough now and he should answer. "But like, have you looked at her? No way she's gonna date my scraggly ass."

Brian kicks him, grinning. "Hey, I'm sure she'd be happy to go out with your ass, even if it is scraggly."

"So you've been looking, huh?" Jae quips. 

"You know it babe," Brian retorts giving Jae a fake wink. 

Jae feels his face flush a bit, even if he knows Brian's just fucking around-- he tries to play it off by pretending to fan himself dramstically. 

  
Jae wants to tell Brian there's only one person he wants to go out with, and it isn't Sana. 

*

 

With the sun dipping low into the horizon, Ayeon finishes the cake. It's four layers, and its huge, covered in whipped icing and strawberries, and she drew little flowers with frosting and wrote Wonpil's name on it. 

It looks good, Jae thinks, and he truthfully can't wait to eat a piece. He quickly loses his appetite when he sees Brian smiling down at Ayeon, telling her how well she did and trying to poke her in the side to tickle her. Even though she playfully smacks him away and pretends to be shy, Jae can see the way she nervously glances at Jimin when Brian touches her. He also sees Jimin roll her eyes slightly, out of Brian's line of sight. 

Ayeon did do well, though, and Jae thinks to himself that if she ever changes her mind about being a vocal teacher one day, that she could make an exceptional career out of baking. 

The rest of their friends should be arriving soon, and as people start knocking on the door one by one, Jae realizes just how many people Sungjin and Jimin actually invited. Sungjin's living room becomes pretty crowded in less than an hour. Dowoon is one of the first few people to get there, saying how Wonpil definitely has no idea that they're planning this for him, and how Wonpil was saying to him earlier that he hopes none of his friends do anything too extra for his birthday. 

Sugjin gets home a little later than usual, stuttering nervously once he realizes that Jihyo is standing in his living room. He says something about how nicely it all came together, praises Ayeon's cake, and then gives Jimin the go ahead to use her unusually loud mouth to get everyone's attention. 

"Alright everyone!" She hollers, "Wonpil just texted Sungjin. He's on his way here from class and he has no idea we're all here. He'll be here in less than five minutes so it's time to hide! As soon as Wonpil walks in, wait for Sungjin's cue and then everyone jumps out and yells surprise, got it?" 

"What's the cue?" Jackson asks from somewhere in the room. 

Sungjin answers. "I'm going to say 'Hey, Pil-ah,' and that's when everyone needs to come out."

Everyone starts nodding and mumbling, then making their way to their respective hiding spots, cramming in behind Sungjin's large couches and armchairs, hiding in his curtains, and assuming comically tangled and cramped positions as they all try to keep their legs and elbows from sticking out and being visible.

Jae sees Sungjin take Dowoon by the elbow and lead him toward a large potted plant near the foyer by the front door. 

"Dowoon, I want you to hide here, so you're the first person Wonpil sees," Sungjin grins. 

Jae wonders if Dowoon knows what Sungjin is up to, or if he's in on it. With the way Dowoon is smiling, Jae would say he's in on it. 

Jae is crouched in the kitchen with Jimin and Jihyo, and he takes this moment to whisper in the dark to Jimin. 

"Psst, Jimin. What's up with you and Ayeon?" He asks. 

Jihyo giggles behind her hand. "Ha! Told you everyone could tell!" 

Jae raises one eyebrow, and Jimin waggles her own at him. "I'll tell you later," she grins. 

Jae nods, smiling because he knows exactly what's going on, and then Wonpil is walking in the door, greeting Sungjin and confusedly asking "Hyung? Why are all your lights off?" and then Sungjin is saying "Oh, hey Pil-ah," and then BAM it's time, they're all popping out of their hiding places and yelling. 

The confused and startled expression on Wonpil's face soon gives way to a broad grin plastered across his features, his crooked eyes crinkling up and his dazzling teeth gleaming. "I thought you guys forgot," Wonpil laughs, as Dowoon shoves a drink into his hand, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

So, naturally--the party gets underway. People are swarming Wonpil, giving him hugs and handshakes and wishing him a happy birthday, girls are kissing him on the cheek and its barely been an hour but Jae and Brian's playlist is really doing a swell job at holding down the party vibe and people are already getting drunk.

This, as he mentioned earlier, does not exclude Jae. 

And that's when things start to get blurry around the edges for Jae. As he mentioned before, he sloshes around Sungjin's house for hours. 

Jae loses track of what he's doing for a while. He remembers eating chips for like, a solid twenty minutes. He remembers somewhere between his second and fourth drink that he embarrasses Wonpil as he's talking to Dowoon. They're standing near a wall chatting when Jae comes up, putting a hand on Wonpil's shoulder, interrupting them by loudly telling Dowoon, "Be careful with our Wonpillie, he's still a virgin you know!" Before clapping Dowoon on the shoulder and sauntering away, missing the way that Wonpil's face turns bright red, but hearing Dowoon playfully say something like "Ah, don't worry, I don't mind." 

Like he said, he dances with some girls. Jae plays it fast and loose when he's drunk. He gives less of a fuck about things. So he dances with some girls, at one point it's Jimin, at another point it's Yubin, who laughs her ass off at him attempting to grind on her because let's face it, Jae has many talents in this life and dancing is not one of them. At one point, Sungjin shoves Jae toward Sana, pulling a "Have you met Jae?" And quickly walking away. Sana smiles delicately at him, and yeah, Jae might be a little too drunk. 

"Um...hi?" Sana offers, and Jae's filter is completely gone by now, his fifth or seventh drink in, and he tells her, "Wow! You're so pretty you know?" 

Sana giggles and thanks him, then asks if he wants to dance, to which he replies something unintelligable and takes her by the arm. Jae sets his drink down on a random table. They dance for what Jae counts as an indeterminable amount of time; he's pretty sure time does not exist anymore and he's been sucked into a vortex. 

Eventually, they get hot, and Jae goes with Sana to get another drink, forgetting where he abandoned his previous cup. Somewhere across the room, Brian sees him with Sana and throws him a thumbs up. It's late now, and loud, and stifling in Sungjin's living room. 

"Do you want to get some air?" Sana asks, motioning toward the sliding glass door to the deck. 

"Totally, I love air," Jae says, and looking back on it, this is one of the less dumb things that came out of his mouth. 

It's cool outside, and Sana slides the glass door back into place behind them and surveys the night sky. It's probably around 2 a.m., Jae doesn't know or care, like he said, time doesn't exist anymore. 

If Jae were more astute, or more sober, he might have noticed the way Sana was eyeing him, the way she inched closer and brushed his leg with hers. He turns to look at her, and she's looking at him, the way Jae guesses a girl looks at you when she wants you to kiss her (Jae really doesn't know) and Jae says again, "You really are so pretty, you know," and this is part where any sane man would kiss her, so Jae does. 

Well, on the cheek. 

"You're very lovely, and fun. But I like boys!" He says it as if everyone knows, forgetting that no one does. And he takes her by the shoulders and lobs a fat wet one onto her cheek.

He flounces away, completely forgetting in his drunkenness that other humans have feelings. "It was fun dancing together!" Jae slurs over his shoulder as he disappears back inside through the glass door, missing Sana sighing and then chuckling to herself. 

Back inside, Jae finds Jimin and Ayeon giggling together on a couch. He meets Jimin's eyes and speeds over, immediately demanding as he sits down, "Okay, spill it sister! I know something's up with you two." He points at them in a mockingly suspicious gesture. 

Ayeon shyly looks down at her lap and Jimin just grins, "Alright Sherlock, we've been together for a few weeks now."

"Dude, that is like...so awesome!" Jae slurs. "I mean, Jimin, everyone knows you're into girls but Ayeon...I mean, I totally knew, I could tell, but it seemed like you weren't like...ready?" 

Ayeon nods. "I wasn't, and I'm still...having a hard time with myself."

Jae grabs her hand. "Hey! It's okay, 'cuz y' know what? I'm gay too! Surprise, right? Wonpil's the only one who knows! But you should tell Brian, because he's like, totally in love with you. Which is crazy because I'm probably in love with Brian. Isn't that nuts?"

With that he gets up and flops away, leaving Jimin and Ayeon with their mouths hanging open in surprise. 

Sometime later, Jae bumps into Sungjin, who corners him. "Jae, are you alright?" 

"Heck yeah man!" Jae answers, "I'm havin' a great time. Killer party, good idea bro--"

"No, Jae, listen, I think you may have had too much to drink, Sana said you kissed her outside and then said you like boys?"

Jae blinks a couple times. "Totally, yeah, we danced and she's pretty, but I'm like, gay, you know?" 

Sungjin opens his mouth and closes it again. "Wait, really?" 

"Yep," Jae says, swigging from his red solo cup and nodding. "Total homo." 

Sungjin furrows his brow. "Why didn't you tell me? Does anyone else know?"

"Only Wonpil," Jae says lightly. He's known for like, EVER, man."

Sungjin cracks a smile. "I should have guessed." He claps Jae on the shoulder. "You should have told me ages ago, I have a friend I could have set you up with." 

Moments later, Jae runs into Wonpil. "Word travels fast at a party, Jae," he warns. "Are you really walking around outing yourself to everyone? Are you even gonna remember this tomorrow?" 

Jae doesn't remember how he answered that, but it might have been something like "Yolo." 

Which, once again, brings Jae to his point--his final point, which is, as always, Brian. Jae begins to feel nauseous--his many drinks finally catching up to him, and steps out onto Sungjin's front porch, where he finds Brian. 

"Hey man," Jae says breathlessly, leaning forward and bracing his hands on his knees for support. "What are you doing out here?" 

"I just needed to get away from the crowd I guess," Brian answers. "Everyone is talking tonight."

His wave of nausea subsiding, Jae returns to his upright standing position. "Tell me about it, bro, like, did you know Ayeon and Jimin were a thing? 'Cuz I could totally tell." 

"Yeah, apparently everyone could tell, except me," Brian says a little bitterly. 

Jae slaps a hand onto Brian's shoulder, half steadying himself, half offering support. "I feel that man, don't worry, I mean, I could totally tell, but not everyone can. I bet you didn't know I'm gay either, haha," he hiccups, ending with a little chuckle. 

Brian snaps his head to the side to look at Jae, mimicking Sungjin's reaction. "Wait, what?" 

At this point, Jae should really stop talking. But he's still super drunk and his brain has this nice fuzzy glowing feeling, and he's lost all hope for his inhibitions catching up with him. 

'"Haha, yeah man. I've been gay for like, I don't know man. My whole life probably. Only Wonpil knows," Jae slurs, and then he adds "Well, I think everyone knows now, 'cuz I didn't kiss Sana." 

Jae's leaning on Brian now, barely able to keep himself standing. Brian hasn't said anything this whole time. He finally asks, "You...didn't?"

Jae giggles a drunken giggle, leaning his head on Brian's shoulder. "Yeah, we were hanging out and I think she wanted me to kiss her but I didn't do it. I kissed her on the cheek 'cuz she's nice, ya know? Girls are really nice, and pretty, but bro, I don't wanna kiss 'em." 

Brian lets out a small chuckle. He's probably not prepared for what Jae says next. Although he's slurring a bit unintelligably, Brian obviously understands him.

"But, alwayswannat' kiss you, Bri, y'know? Fer like, th'longest. Hahaha." Jae brings a hand to the back of Brian's neck. "Cuzyer so cute." He boops Brian on the nose with his index finger. 

Brian just sighs and asks, "Do you want to smoke a joint?" 

Jae doesn't remember how he replies but he apparently says yes, because the next thing he knows he's leaning against Brian's beat up car in the driveway, inhaling deeply, shadowed in the darkness of the early morning and the large overhead trees in Sungjin's yard. 

The smoke stings Jae's throat, and he coughs heavily, hand over his mouth and eyes watering. He's probably not doing this right, he's not a big smoker, never one to really hang out with the stoners.

The alcohol in Jae's system is still very much in effect, and the heavy, aromatic pot smoke fills Jae's head and makes him dizzy. He sways on his feet, bracing himself by leaning his back against Brian's car. 

Brian chuckles at how Jae can't hang. "You have to hold the smoke in longer," Brian instructs, and before Jae can answer and tell him that he can't, Brian says, "Try it like this." 

Brian pulls a long drag off the joint and sucks the smoke in, and, moving closer to Jae, he rests a thumb at Jae's bottom lip. Jae parts his lips obediently, and then Brian is so close-- slowly blowing the smoke into Jae's mouth. One of Brian's arms is leaned on the car next to Jae, one of them is still holding the burning stub of the joint, which he flicks away onto the gravel of Sungjin's driveway. 

Jae's eyelashes flutter shut as he inhales the smoke, savors the sweet taste of it off Brian's lips. He chances to open them for a split second, to steal a glance at Brian. Brian's looking at Jae through hooded, bleary eyes--maybe its the weed and maybe because its 4 a.m. Jae doesn't know if its because he's drunk, high, or because he just doesn't care anymore, but he pulls Brian forward by the front of his tee shirt and closes the small sliver of space between their mouths. 

To Jae's utter surprise, Brian doesn't object. He makes a small noise of surprise in the back of his throat, but then Jae feels him kissing back, really kissing back. One of Brian's hands moves to the back of Jae's neck and the other is snaked around his shoulder, the gap between their bodies closed completely as Brian takes a step forward, bringing his body flush against Jae's. 

If there is a god in this universe, Jae thinks, then he has granted him a rare moment of divinity indeed. Jae probably doesn't deserve this and it probably wont last, it probably isn't even real. Jae will soon wake up passed out on Sungjin's floor and realize that this never even happened. 

But, Jae realizes as Brian tugs at the hair at the back of Jae's neck, it is happening. 

Jae realizes even more that this is reality when Brian sharply tugs him forward away from the car for a moment, taking his mouth off Jae only long enough to open the back door of his car and pull Jae unceremoniously inside. 

And there Jae is, pressed against the back seat of Brian's car, Brian's hands hard on his chest and hips and Jae feels so good. He knows he shouldn't, he knows that this is probably wrong and he doesn't even know what Brian is thinking--but god, he wants this and dammit, he's going to take it. 

This is the part that he was talking about earlier--Jae is in the back seat of Brian's car and he's very drunk, and now he's very baked, and he's also very busy. He's busy sliding his hands under Brian's shirt and running his hands over the taut muscles of his back. He's busy trying not to moan because Brian's tongue feels so good in his mouth. He's busy failing at trying not to moan when Brian shoves his knee between Jae's legs, creating a friction that's too electric for Jae to ignore. 

They're actually sort of in an awkward position; Jae is laid longways on the backseat and Brian is sort of on top of him, only Jae is too tall and Brian is too broad so their legs are sort of halfway falling into the floorboard. 

But Jae doesn't care. He's wanted this for so long and he's not concerned right now with what the consequences will be; in the back of his drunken mind he expects that there might be some. But right now, Jae is laying here in Brian's cramped backseat, he's so fucking hard with Brian on top of him, and Brian smells really good and his weight is pressing down on all the right places and Jae is convinced he's stumbled into some sort of alternate universe. 

The best part is that Brian is making these fucking sighs and little groans and Jae is seconds away from losing it, desperate to keep him interested and desperate to keep those noises coming. 

Which isn't proving that difficult, Brian's deep voice rumbles against Jae's chest and his hands are all over Jae, up his shirt and in his hair, and Jae seizes his opportunity when Brian loses his carefully placed balance on the seat and falls off onto the floor of the car. 

  
Up until now, neither of them has said anything--its been close to 45 minutes of them just kissing, although Jae isn't complaining because its been heated and so, so good. For a moment, Jae panics--what if Brian looks at him now that they aren't making out, realizes what he's doing and leaves? What if he starts freaking out? 

That doesn't happen though. Instead, Brian laughs. He laughs a genuine, hearty laugh and then hoists himself back onto the seat in a normal sitting position, pulls Jae in close again and starts sucking on his neck. 

Jae allows his eyes to close, sweat starting to glisten at his temples. The car windows are foggy, and somewhere in Jae's mind he thinks of a raunchy American teenage comedy movie. Brian's tongue laps at the sharp angle of Jae's jaw. 

Jae's hand makes its way to Brian's waist, pushing the button of his pants open. Jae is terrified that Brian will object, ask him what the fuck he thinks he's doing, but again, that doesn't happen. They've come this far already so Jae thinks, fuck it--it's a relief when Jae feels that Brian is hard too, okay shit, really hard. Oh also, also really big. Jae can't leave that part out--Brian's dick is huge and it makes Jae fucking excited. 

Jae breaks away from Brian momentarily, who has been busy leaving a trail of hickies on Jae's collarbones. He pushes Brian back against the seat, respositioning himself between Brian's legs and freeing his (huge, did Jae mention huge?) dick from his jeans.

Jae will admit, he's thought about this many times before. Sue him, okay? He's thought about sucking his best friend's cock loads of times, but never, ever did he think it would be like this. The moment Jae gets his mouth on Brian is the absolute peak of Jae's gay sex life so far. He's sucked some dicks before in his life, but oh man. 

Brian's moans fill the car cabin. He's loud, Jae realizes--and he suddenly thinks oh god, what if someone comes outside? Would they hear them? He doubts it, its gotta be so late now, most people have probably gone home from the party by now or passed out. Jae momentarily wonders how Wonpil fared with Dowoon, and why Sungjin hasn't come looking for them yet. 

Jae is quickly brought back to the present moment when Brian buries his hands into Jae's hair and bucks his hips up into his mouth. Jae does his best to take Brian all in, his eyes are watering and the liquor is is wearing off, bringing the world slightly back into clearer focus. Brian comes with a groan of "Ohh, fuck," and Jae revels in how good Brian feels filling up his mouth, how good he sounds moaning as he comes. Jae swallows most of it, which is impressive if he does say so himself, considering how much he's had to drink. The taste is salty and tangy, and Jae is glowing even though he didn't even come. 

Jae wipes the corner of his mouth on his sleeve, adjusts his glasses, and waits for Brian to say something. Brian doesn't, he just sighs heavily and pulls Jae in for a kiss. 

The sun is rising in the distance, and Jae cuddles up to Brian's side, surprised but not complaining as Brian strokes his hair. 

They fall asleep, and no one bothers them for a few hours, until Sungjin comes knocking on the window at about 8 a.m. 

*

 

It's funny how things work themselves out, Jae thinks. Currently, Brian is in Jae's bed, asleep. It's been months since the party and almost every day since then, Brian has been in Jae's bed. Well, almost every day. At first, it took some time. 

But wait, Jae's doing it again, back up. Rewind. 

Brian and Jae come to consciousness slowly, blearily rubbing their eyes and confusedly peering at Sungjin as he grins at them through the car window. 

Brian opens the car door and stumbles out, Jae follows, his head pounding. Sungjin can't contain himself, Jae thinks he's about to burst out into laughter at any moment, his grin is so huge. Sungjin knows what's going on here, but thankfully all he says is, "I made coffee, and the girls made breakfast inside." 

Brian doesn't look at Jae as they walk up Sungjin's driveway. 

As Sungjin disappears inside, Jae stops Brian on the porch, circling a hand gently around his wrist. 

"Hey, listen--" he begins, before Brian cuts him off.

"Jae, I'm sorry." 

Jae is not expecting this. "What," is all he can say, it's not even a question. 

"Jae, I--ah, fuck. I really messed up." 

"What--how? What do you mean?" Jae asks, incredibly confused and now panicking slightly. Okay, a lot. 

Brian looks down at his hands, which he's twisting together, clearly nervous. "I mean after everything that happened last night...you were really drunk, and I..."

Brian trails off, and Jae stares at him for a second, bewildered. 

"Wait, Bri, do you feel guilty? Do you like, think you took advantage of me or something?" 

Brian steals a look at Jae, and he lets out a breath that he probably didn't know he was holding. "Uhm...yeah, I guess." He bites his bottom lip. "Are you...upset?" 

Jae laughs. He knows he shouldn't, but in his worst nightmare, this conversation would have gone something like Brian regretting everything they did and telling Jae not to ever talk to him again. Instead, stupid good-hearted Brian is worried about Jae's consent. 

So Jae laughs. "No, I'm not upset. I remember everything, dumbass." 

Brian sighs audibly and leans against the stair railing, looking relieved. Jae takes a step forward and kisses Brian on the corner of the mouth, before opening the door and slipping inside, calling over his shoulder, "Hurry up before Jimin eats all the bacon." 

Ayeon and Jimin crashed at Sungjin's house as a result of being too drunk to go home to their parents houses. Jae chuckles when he learns that Sungjin gave them his bed, and slept on the couch so the girls could be comfortable. The breakfast they made is delicious and Jae drinks four cups of coffee. Ayeon takes one look at Jae and dives into her handbag for aspirin, handing him four pills. "You look like you need this," she says gently, with a warm smile. 

Jae takes them gratefully, washing them down with coffee.

"Oh, he definitely needs it," Jimin chides him from across the table. "I've never seen you so wasted." 

"That's because I've never been that wasted," Jae admits. "What ever happened to Wonpil? It was his party after all." 

"He had a great time, he loved my cake," Ayeon informs him, "And um...he went home with Dowoon." 

"I knew he would," Sungjin brags, and he and Jimin do a fist bump. "I am the greatest matchmaker ever." 

"Except when it comes to yourself," Ayeon teases. "Did you even talk to Jihyo?" 

"He talked to her alright," Jimin answers for him. "And then he spilled his drink on her and ruined her skirt." 

Brian bursts out laughing and Jae tries to hide his snort into his coffee mug.

"She still gave me her number!" Sungjin defends. "I apologized to her like, twenty times." 

"You better call her, or I'll kick your ass," Jimin warns with a joking grin. "She's my friend, and I vouched for your goofy ass." 

Jimin suddenly turns her attention to Brian. "You've been awfully quiet this morning, Bri Bri. What's the deal?" 

Brian looks nervously at Jae, who looks nervously back at him. Sungjin freezes, not sure if he should speak up. 

"OHHH MY GOD!!" Jimin exclaims. "Did it finally happen?" She directs the question toward Jae. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jae lies. "I don't remember. I was drunk. I plead the fifth." 

"Bullshit," Jimin calls him out. "You told me and Ayeon last night....that..." her eyes flicker over to Brian, and she suddenly seems unsure of how to finish. 

Brian raises and eyebrow and gives Jae a sly smile, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. 

Jae sighs. "Okay, so I might have gotten too drunk last night and told like, everyone probably, that I'm gay." 

Ayeon reaches out for a high five, which Jae returns. "We're proud of you Jae. I told a couple people last night too. About me and Jimin, I mean." 

At that, Brian and Ayeon high five. "And we're proud of you guys, too," Brian adds. 

"I also might have mentioned some other things about a certain someone," Jae adds, crunching on a piece of bacon. 

"Will you two just date already?" Jimin nags Brian, "So Jae can stop writing sappy poetry about how cute your stupid face is?" 

"I'll have you know my poetry is very artfully worded," Jae jokes. Brian takes a long swig from his coffee cup and fixes Jae with a stare from over the rim. It's hard to read, but Jae feels warm under Brian's gaze. 

"Good thing you're all pairing yourselves off on your own," Sungjin says. "Otherwise I'd be going mad trying to set you all up on blind dates." 

*

 

Brian drives Jae home that afternoon, and Jae feels weird being back in Brian's car, albeit in the front seat this time. He wonders what Brian's thinking about; they're not really talking much but its a comfortable quiet in the car as they listen to music. Brian's car hums and clangs down the roads to Jae's shared apartment with Jackson, and when he drops Jae off, Brian doesn't come upstairs. Jae doesn't know what to do before getting out of the car. Do they kiss? Is that okay? Can Jae ask? 

He doesn't, and when Jae gets out of the car he just tells Brian he'll see him later in the most chipper voice he can muster, and flashes a smile that he hopes is cute. Jae feels slightly empty as he walks to his apartment and unlocks the door. He's greeted by Jackson sitting on the couch eating a sandwich and playing Overwatch. Jae sighs and plops down on the couch to join him. 

"You look rough dude," Jackson prods, offering Jae a can of coke. Jae pops the top and takes a swig. "I feel even rougher."

*

That evening, Jae goes to see Wonpil. He feels sort of bad that he barely saw Wonpil at the party, and he's curious to hear the details of how it went with Dowoon. 

Wonpil is lazing around in his dorm, and Jae walks in to him curled in front of his laptop screen with a blanket around his head. He climbs down from his lofted bed to hug Jae. 

Wonpil is as comfortable with himself as Jae wishes he could be himself. Wonpil, who's been out since the day they met him, who never hides the fact that he's gay, who's wearing pink pajama pants and an oversized hoodie. 

"You've got a lot to tell me about," Wonpil says, a mischievous grin on his face. "I heard something happened with you and Brian!"

"From who?" Jae asks. 

"From Jimin, duh," Wonpil answers, and Jae thinks _of fucking course_ , "But she didn't say what."

"That's because I didn't tell her, I didn't tell anyone actually." 

"Well you're about to tell me!" Wonpil demands, shoving Jae down onto the couch. "Should I pop some popcorn? Is it juicy?" 

Jae chuckles at Wonpil's excitement and then recounts the events (the ones he can remember anyways), including his stupid jealousy of Ayeon, his drunken confessions to, well, everyone--and how he found out about Jimin and Ayeon, ending with how he and Brian ended up in the back of Brian's car. 

"So Sungjin found us in the morning, and Brian dropped me off at home but it was really awkward and I don't know if I can ever look him in the eye ever again," Jae concludes. 

"You HAVE to call him," Wonpil suggests, "See if he wants to go out." 

Jae shakes his head. "I think he needs space, or time, or something. I don't want to freak him out." 

"You're probably right," Wonpil decides.

"I guess we'll see, I don't know if this was a one time thing or if Brian's switching teams. Maybe he's always liked dudes or he's bi or he's figuring things out. Who fucking knows man," Jae is angsting slightly.

"But forget Brian for now, from what I hear, you have some details to share yourself," Jae teases, poking Wonpil with his foot. "Sungjin said you went home with Dowoon, so spill it."

Wonpil grins hugely and blushes slightly. "Well, do you remember when you were totally obnoxious and annoying and told Dowoon that I'm a virgin?" 

"Yeah..." Jae starts, raising an eyebrow. 

"Let's just say that, um...that's changed." Wonpil bites his lip. 

"No way," Jae breathes. 

"Yes!" Wonpil continues excitedly, "Apparently he was really into the fact that I'm a virgin...well, was a virgin...and after you said that he started saying all this suggestive stuff, and well..."

"Pil!" Jae exclaims, "I can't believe our innocent Pillie finally got laid." 

Wonpil is practically cackling with laughter. "He took me to his apartment and handcuffed me to the headboard, I think I'm in love with him." 

"Wow, Pil, that's pretty kinky for your first time. Didn't you just meet the guy?" Jae asks. 

"Technically, no," Wonpil explains. "We've been flirting and talking for a few weeks, and then I found out he knew Sungjin, so I figured it would only be a matter of time until he tried to set me up with him. As soon as I saw him at the party, I knew I had the green light." 

"Incredible," Jae chuckles. 

"I thought so too," Wonpil continues, "But that's not even the best part." 

"Oh?" Jae raises an eyebrow. 

"I'll tell you everything," Wonpil begins, "But you have to do something for me." 

Jae doesn't know what Wonpil has in mind but he's sort of intrigued so he agrees, "Alright, Pil." 

"Let me paint your nails." 

"Is that all? I mean, I'd rather you not," Jae laughs.

"Please!" Wonpil begs, "It'll be fun. You're finally 'out' to everyone. Can't we be a gay stereotype just this once? I never get to do this with anyone. Let's watch Moulin Rouge." 

The puppydog look Wonpil is giving Jae is just too much, damn him for being so cute. He sighs, "Okay, fine, but I'm picking out the color. I can't have you giving me something that's gonna clash with my flannels." 

Wonpil practically tackles Jae with a hug. 

During Jae's manicure, which Wonpil is pretty good at actually, Wonpil gives Jae all the details of his evening with Dowoon. It's actually pretty steamy the way Wonpil tells it; Jae doesn't know if it's the rose colored glasses of Wonpil finally getting laid or if Dowoon is really that good. Either way, Jae is sort of envious. Wonpil's first experience with the guy he cares about most was romantic and sensual, meanwhile Jae still feels an empty pit in his stomach from where Brian was. Jae has to mentally slap himself; dammit, he should be happy for his friends instead of being jealous. He decides this is something he needs to work on. 

Speaking of unnecessary jealousy, Ayeon texts Wonpil while Jae's nails are drying, asking what he's up to. 

"Ayeon wants to come over," Wonpil informs, shooting a look at Jae. "That okay with you?" 

"Yeah," Jae smiles. "Actually, I really want to see her." 

"Good," Wonpil says absently while texting her back, "Because she's bringing Chinese takeout and I'm starving." 

Ayeon makes it through the door of Wonpil's dorm carting an armful of takeout containers, exclaiming gleefully when she sees that they're watching Moulin Rouge, one of her favorites. 

Jae is the one who paints Ayeon's nails. He does a shitty job and gets polish all over the sides of her fingers but she doesn't seem to mind. She cleans the messy paintjob up with q-tips and polish remover and rests her feet in Jae's lap as her toenails dry. 

She smiles genuinely and says to Jae, "I'm glad we're hanging out like this." 

Jae is too, and Wonpil and Jae don't let her off the hook about details of how she hooked up with Jimin. 

"We've been friends for so long," Ayeon recounts, "And she's really supported me. She helped me come out to my parents. Then one night a couple weeks ago she was sleeping over at my house and things sort of ah...escalated." 

"I totally knew," Jae admits. "Like, the way you look at her all the time, and how she looks at you, when you're not looking." 

"I figured everyone could tell, I was so bad at hiding it," Ayeon explains, "But apparently Brian couldn't tell, I think it really hurt him." 

Jae claps a hand over his mouth. "Oh my god, that's right," he remembers. "He told you he was going to ask you out at Wonpil's party. He never shuts up about you but I didn't think he'd actually do it."

"Well, he did," Ayeon says, "And I had to let him down gently. I explained everything about Jimin, and the look on his face was just...sad, I guess?" 

"But then he apologized, which I didn't expect," Ayeon continues. "He said he was being selfish and that he supported me no matter what. He said he's happy if I'm happy. It's nice but I still think he's upset." 

"Maybe not so much anymore," Wonpil giggles. "Not after Jae gave him that mouth." 

"First of all, I _cannot_ believe you just said that, and second of all, please never say that again," Jae grimaces. 

"Oh my god, did you really though?" Ayeon asks. "I mean...he...let you?" 

"That's the weird part," Jae explains. "I found him being all emo on the porch at the party, and I think I drunkenly told him something about wanting to kiss him, and then we smoked weed. It all sorta gets fuzzy from there but he pulled me into his car and then a lot of stuff um, happened." 

Ayeon looks puzzled. "I didn't know he liked guys..." 

"I'm not sure if he does," Jae says, voicing his fears. "I mean he definitely seemed to be enjoying everything but like...dude, what if he was just like, feeling bad because you turned him down?" He directs the question at Ayeon.

"Holy shit you guys, what if he used me as a rebound?" Jae asks, voicing his even worse fears. 

"I don't think Brian would do that," Ayeon counters, "At least, I hope he wouldn't." 

"I don't think so either," Wonpil adds. "There's got to be something else." 

"Have you talked to him?" Ayeon asks. 

"Sorta," Jae tries to recall the morning after, through his hazy hung over memories. "He seemed okay other than being worried about taking advantage of me when I was drunk. He dropped me off at home but we didn't talk much. I'm afraid to text him." 

As if in some kind of cosmic, comical turn if events, seconds after he says this, Jae's phone goes off with the ping of his text message tone. It's Brian. 

"Fuck, he just texted me," Jae announces nervously. 

Ayeon and Wonpil crowd Jae to see the message. All it says is: _hey._

"Ugh!" Ayeon shrieks. "This is why I don't date boys." 

Jae swallows a lump in his throat and texts back,  _hey what's up?_

Brian's reply comes almost immediately. _bored, what are you doing?_

 _i'm at wonpil's,_ Jae replies. 

_ok, see you later then._

"What the hell?" Wonpil asks from over Jae's shoulder. He didn't say he's coming over?" 

"Maybe he wants you to come see him?" Ayeon offers. 

Jae sends another message. _you wanna come hang? Ayeon is here too._

Brian's reply is what Jae expects. _nah too tired. catch you later._ Heart emoji. 

"A heart emoji?" Wonpil scoffs. "What is his deal?" 

"Boys are so stupid," Ayeon chuckles. "Jae, just call him." 

"Actually," Jae muses, "I might just let him sweat it out a bit." 

Jae spends the rest of the night with Ayeon and Wonpil, throwing popcorn at each other and speculating about what is up with Brian, watching movies and listening to old pop songs. Jae hasn't relaxed this way in a while, and he's glad that he's fixed his attitude toward Ayeon. He falls asleep on Wonpil's futon and Ayeon drives him home the next morning. 

* 

It's funny to Jae now, as he lays next to Brian in bed, how stupid they were being. Brian rolls over and his eyelids flutter open, smiling when he sees Jae. He snakes an arm around Jae's waist and tugs him against his chest. Brian's voice is low in Jae's ear, reverberating against his neck. "I don't want you to leave." 

Jae sighs into the pillows, "I know, but I have class at nine. Besides, you can stay here all day if you want. I'll be back at noon." 

Brian doesn't immediately answer with words, he just presses a kiss to the curve of Jae's jaw. "Fine then, five more minutes." His hands find their way under the covers to Jae's boxers. 

But fuck, Jae is realy bad at this. Rewind again. 

After that night at Wonpil's, Jae doesn't hear from Brian for two days. 

Although he has class all week and he some shifts at the restaurant, and he knows Brian is busy with school and work too, Jae still thinks it's weird that he hasn't heard from him. On the second day, Jae breaks down and sends him a text. 

  
 _dinner later?_

Brian's reply takes a few minutes, but he responds, _of course_ ;)

Jae immediately starts a group chat with Ayeon and Wonpil, pondering the implications of that winky face emoji. 

Jae panics over what he's going to say to Brian the whole time he's waiting for Brian to arrive at his apartment. 

When Jae opens the door, Brian is nonchalantly leaning against the frame, and he cocks his head with a smirk and says, "Hey." 

"Hey..." Jae says lamely back and steps aside as Brian enters the living room. "Sorry I've been MIA the past couple days," Brian says before Jae can say anything. "I had a civics paper due. Where are we eating?" 

Brian's acting completely normal but Jae doesn't want to challenge it. In fact, Brian's acting so normal that Jae wonders if he even remembers what happened the other night. 

To make Jae even more confused, Brian keeps doing all this shit like brushing his feet up against Jae's under the table or giving him these _looks_ across the table, and well, how do you tell someone they're giving you mixed signals? 

Like this. 

"Bri, um, listen...I...can we, um. What's happening here?" Jae stutters. 

Brian blinks a couple times, and then buries his face in his hands. 

"I'm sorry," he laments, voice muffled from behind his hands. "I didn't know how to bring it up." 

"Thank god, because neither did I," Jae replies, relieved. "I was actually afraid you were regretting everything and never wanted to talk to me again." 

Brian comes out of his hiding place behind his hands, face slightly red. "That could never happen," he says softly, casting his eyes down at his hands. He looks up at Jae. "Why did you never tell me you were into me?" Brian asks outright. 

Jae almost snorts. "Uh, because you literally never shut your pie hole about Ayeon." 

"Oh." 

"To be fair," Jae adds, "I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you she wasn't into dudes, but I figured like, she had to do it herself, you know?" 

Brian nods thoughtfully. "I was being a dumbass," he says. "I knew it the whole time but I thought...I don't really know what I thought actually. I was in denial I guess. About more than one thing." 

"I mean, why didn't you tell me either?" Jae asks. "Like, if you were questioning or curious or something...why wouldn't you tell me? Are we not best friends?" 

"Of course we are," Brian answers, a very sincere look on his face. "I was just sorta freaking out." 

"Are you still freaking out?" Jae asks meekly. 

Brian fixes him with a look, that same look he gave Jae over the rim of his coffee cup a few days before. "Not so much anymore." 

"That's good," Jae encourages. "Just so you know, you don't owe me anything." 

Brian looks confused. "What?" 

"I mean...since we hooked up or whatever. You don't need to feel, I don't know. Pressured or something. Like, to date me. I get it if you were just...is it cliche to say experimenting?" 

"While that's mature of you," Brian begins with a slight smile. "What if I...sorta...wanted to?" 

It takes Jae a second. "Wanted to what?" 

"Date you." 

"Oh..." Jae can't stop his face from splitting into a huge grin. "Then, can I maybe...come sit next to you?" 

Brian nods, still smiling, and Jae moves from his seat across the booth from Brian, to the spot next to him. 

When Brian laces his fingers into Jae's, he feels a warmth spread across his cheeks. 

"Oh, by the way," Jae says, "You should talk to Ayeon. She thinks you're upset with her." 

Brian sighs. "I don't want her to think that. I was just...being an ass." 

"You were a little," Jae chuckles. "Why wouldn't you come to Wonpil's the other night?" 

"I wasn't sure how to handle things," Brian admits. "And I really did have that civics paper due. I was stressing out so I was avoiding you guys. I'll talk to Ayeon, I'll call her later." 

"One more thing," Jae says, and he peeks his head around to look around the restaurant, to make sure no one is looking at them. No one is. 

"What?" Brian asks. 

Jae just kisses him. 

*

For Jae, things seem perfect. Although for Brian, it still takes some time for him to get used to himself. 

After dinner, Jae goes to Brian's place to watch a movie. They end up shirtless under a blanket on Brian's couch, the movie long forgotten playing in the background. They can have sex, but they don't. Jae doesn't think Brian's ready for that yet. They fall asleep on top of each other and Jae is late for class the next day. He doesn't mind at all. 

A week later, Brian sucks Jae off for the first time. He's a little messy at first but he gets the hang of it, digs his thumbs into Jae's hipbones, moans when Jae comes into his mouth.  

Afterwards, they take a shower together and Jae returns the favor. 

The weeks fly by for Jae, because he's happy. He sleeps over at Brian's place, wakes up to his messy hair in the morning and steals Brian's hoodies and gives Brian his snapbacks to wear. They go to dinner, to crowded shows in loud bars. They double date with Wonpil and Dowoon. They double date with Ayeon and Jimin. They quadruple date with all of them, and Sungjin and Jihyo too. 

They all have movie night at Sungjin's house, all of them crowded onto the floor and couch under blankets, legs thrown over each other, giggling and eating takeout. Jae lets Wonpil paint his nails. Ayeon teaches Jae how to hold the brush properly, and Jae paints Brian's nails. They go to class and work and they go bowling and to the movies, they crowd themselves into cafes and restaurants and they have sleepovers and parties. 

Their group is harmonious, and Jae is content. 

He thinks, maybe, that blame is a strong word. Maybe instead of blaming Sungjin or Wonpil, he should thank them. He should thank Wonpil for letting him confide in him all this time, for encouraging him to be himself, and Sungjin for throwing parties and playing Cupid. He should thank Sungjin especially, for accepting his friends no matter what, as long as he has someone to set them up with. 

Finally, Jae can stop rewinding. He can stop playing the events over in his mind. He's in the present moment now, with Brian in his bed, whining for him not to get up and leave for class. 

This brings Jae to what he was saying earlier. They were both being so stupid. It's taken some time, but he and Brian are in a good place. 

A really good place, actually, as Brian's hands slide underneath the comforter to play at the waistband of Jae's boxers. 

Jae makes the executive decision to be late for class today, and it's worth it. Worth it because Brian's mouth is on Jae's neck and Jae's hands are in Brian's hair, and Jae thinks Brian might be ready. 

Five more minutes turns into forty-five, and then two hours later Jae's cheeks and chest are flushed pink, his morning class long forgotten as Brian fucks him slow and deep. 

*

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know man. This was just supposed to be a silly little one shot. Title inspired by the song "Gold" by Kiiara.


End file.
